Saying goodbye
I didn’t want to go. It also felt silly altogether to feel that way. People came. To pay their last respects to Nathan, and his mother didn’t want to go. It was very tough, but I put my orange shirt on. Richard had his orange tie on. We went to the service that my dear friend arranged with so much care and attention. And the tears came. I could see the big photo of Nathan the whole time. And all I could think was, what an absolute tragedy. That a little boy had to die so soon. I think I am battling to grasp the concept of death altogether here. I heard little of the service. I was absorbed by my own thoughts. Which smothered me at the end. And I ran out of the church, to try and breathe. It wasn’t supposed to happen this way God! I had plans for him. We had to do a reassessment in August. We had to teach him to read. We still had things to do. Places to go…
Someone wrote on the back of his memorial service note the following:
“…But should the angels call for him much sooner than we’ve planned. We’ll face the bitter grief that comes and try to understand…”
But I don’t understand.
A friend chose the song that was played at church. The prayer, by Josh Groban. And it is beautiful. I don’t understand how to put music on this blog , but the words are:
I pray you’ll be our eyes
And watch us where we go
And help us to be wise
In times when we don’t know
Let this be our prayer
As we go our way
Lead us to a place
Guide us with your grace
To a place where we’ll be safe
La luce che to dai
I pray we’ll find your light
Nel cuore restero
And hold it in our hearts
A ricordarchi che
When stars go out each night
L’eterna stella sei
Nella mia preghiera
Let this be our prayer
Quanta fede c’e
When shadows fill our day
Lead us to a place
Guide us with your grace
Give us faith so we’ll be safe.
Sognamo un mondo senza piu violenza
Un mondo di giustizia e di speranza
Ognuno dia la mano al suo vicino
Simbolo di pace e di fraternita
La forza che ci dai
We ask that life be kind
E’il desiderio che
And watch us from above
Ognuno trovi amore
We hope each soul will find
Intorno e dentro a se
Another soul to love
Let this be our prayer
Let this be our prayer
Just like every child
Just like every child
Needs to find a place,
Guide us with your grace
Give us faith so we’ll be safe
E la fede che
Hai acceso in noi
Sento che ci salvera
Please may I understand.
xxx
I went to a book shop, listlessly trying to forget the cremation that took place on Thursday for which I did not have the guts. I tried to find something to comfort me. I could not find anything. As I turned to leave, I bumped against a bookstand. I turned around to salvage the damage. The only book that fell was by William Young, The Shack. I picked it up and remembered that Lindri left a comment that I should get the book. I bought it. I hope it is a sign.
